On Mental Health
Photo cred: Simplybeloved.co
Oh my perfectly imperfect girls,
I want to tell you this because no one told me, and I've missed out on so much joy in life and love of myself as the steep price of that omission.
There is a genetic history of mental illness in our family line. It is likely to be present during some or all of your life because it is very likely a part of you as a whole human being. Life is also HARD, and there are bound to be days or "seasons" that understandably get you down. Your lineage and/or your circumstances don't need to dictate your future though. While it can and may be hard to cope with and channel it in ways that work for you instead of against you, it is possible. And, I am always here to support you as best I can in that endeavor.
I went through the first 35 years of my life thinking something must be wrong with me. My mother validated that endlessly. How could I be so talented AND so unhappy? How could I be traveling the world AND feel depressed? How could I be attractive AND so ungrateful? If I am one, I had no excuse to be or feel the other.
Here's the thing about mental illness... it doesn't care who you are, what you have, or what you are doing. It is like being in your favorite room with the sun shining in and all of a sudden a darkout black paint pours over the window making it literally impossible to see or experience the beautiful reality of where you are.
So then, what are some healthy tools available to you to remove the paint and be able to see the light and beauty again?
As your own unique spirit, over time YOU get to discover and decide what tools are the right ones to clear your smudge. Until then, here are some suggestions that have worked (and continue to work) for me, some better at times than others...
Beliefs --> Thoughts. Every emotion, feeling and experience begins with a thought. Where you focus your attention, the energy flows. The sooner you can choose to focus your mind on how you want to feel, the sooner the fogginess between you and that feeling will dissipate. If there is a clear action you need to take to turn that thought into an experience, take it. But on days that you simply can't muster the energy to DO, know that establishing (even writing down) a positive belief and some positive thoughts around it is a really good step to simply help yourself BE in a better way.
Unapologetic self-care. Lay down, take a bath, listen to a Podcast, book a massage, create a painting, read a book, have dinner with friends, whatever brings you joy, do it (responsibly) and let go of the need to have others approve of it. You can't love others or show up for others until you love and show up for yourself. You can do this in big ways or little ways, but just make sure you do it when you need to, simply being aware of how your choices could impact your commitments and balancing short term needs vs. long term wants.
Music that moves. I can' count the number of times that the right song was the final straw that unleashed my buried tears, or helped me feel a deep healing and validation when I needed it most. It's why I have started Spotify playlists for both of you that may be the salve to your wounds inside when you are pushing me away on the outside later in life. I can already see how much of a spark music can ignite in you (especially Kendra). May this always be a safe, loving tool for your higher self to call upon during the times that you must fall apart to rebuild, or be carried to a higher vibration.
Movement. As humans we are energy, and energy was made to move. When you feel stuck, it probably is because some undesirable energy within you is quite literally stuck. Find a method of movement that feels good to you (running, sports, biking, swimming, yoga, etc.) and incorporate it into your routine on most days - definitely on the ones that you are feeling disoriented, down or stagnant.
AND expect resistance when getting started each time. The reptilian brain will try to convince you that staying still = keeping you safe. Your higher self and frontal cortex knows better. Coach yourself to get started and you will find it easier to keep going AND you'll most certainly enjoy the benefits that were yours to grasp all along.Connect with another being you trust. Life wasn't meant to live or experience alone. As humans, we are social beings. Over time you'll develop a keen radar of who accepts and holds you as you are and who has ulterior motives. When down, find and be held by the people in the first category whether it be a friend, relative, pet or God willing one of your parents.
Side note: My goal every single day is to behave and be in a way that allows me to be in your "inner circle" throughout your life, even when the early years of you needing me have passed - to earn the honor of comforting you during the hard times and the privilege of celebrating you in the good ones. My own path of becoming has been very lonely and scarred by those who chose to shame instead of comfort during my hard times in both younger years and older ones. I try every day to heal those wounds so that they aren't passed on to you, but I am human and I am far from perfect. Thank you for your grace and empathy as you decide when and how you open the door for connection between us during your life's peaks and valleys. I vow to always answer your knocks.
The above tools are those that are readily available to you on-demand, and universally proven to have a safe, positive impact on your well-being. There may be times in your life that you need more, and that’s okay. There are a lots of helping agents available to you in this world that are derived from Western and Eastern cultures - prescription medicines or psychotherapy, for example in the former category and functional medicine, herbs, homeopathic or flower remedies, vibrational healing, acupuncture or Reiki in the latter.How and what you call upon to help yourself is never open for judgement or shame. Trying to help yourself feel better, grow more or heal safely is always a good thing. You won’t know what works until you try it with an open mind and decide the impact with a truthful heart. Call upon your resources for recommendations if needed, but always trust yourself when it comes to the final decision and evaluation . Only you know how you feel.
Lastly, know that you are never alone and there is always a way out and no matter how hard it seems. You are always beautiful, loved and magical in God's eyes and mine.
Much love,
Mom